Who the Hell am I?
This post was written 4mths ago, over a few days. It's been sitting there unpublished, but since my 'Why bother' post, I thought it was time to dig it out & press the publish button.
It's not actually a finished post, but I might as well release what has been written, otherwise it may sit unpublished for longer.
While skimming through my uncared for blog reader, I found a post from Eden Riley. She simply asks Who The Hell Are You?
Sure, a little question that seems so easy to answer, but when it comes down it it, it is so hard.
So Who am I?
I'm a MUM - After TTC for 5.5yrs (3.5yrs of IVF), I finally became a Mum in April 2009, when I gave birth to my twins.
I am definitely still scared by my years of infertility. I've been called BATCOAT (Bitter & Twisted C*** of a Thing) & I know I am. People say that you shouldn't let experiences make the person you are, but I can never forget the pain & heartache I went though to get my boys. I met some wonderful people & have made some life long friends, but I'm still hurting.
I still get upset when I hear of pregnancy & birth, no where near as much as I used to, because one thing has changed. I have my boys. If I ever feel really upset, I just go & get a kiss & cuddle & it reminds me how lucky I really am.
I'm a Daughter & a Sister - Who doesn't speak to her sister & who rarely speaks to her parents.
I'm a Part Time Employee - Who for 12yrs previous to falling pregnant with the boys, worked Full Time. These days, my PT hours are more than enough. Maybe not enough, with finances being tight, but enough for me.
I have done a few weeks of FT relief over the past month & an well & truly suffering mentally, physically & emotionally.
I'm overweight - Working on it.
I'm an ex-wife - Separated.
I'm stressed, tired, emotional & depressed - There. I said it.
I wake up at 4am to start work a 5. I struggle to get up, because I don't go to bed until after 10.30pm. The reason behind that being, is that when the boys leave to go home with their father between 7-8pm. After that I tidy up, get clothes ready, them by the time I sit down to watch some TV or surf the net, it's after 9pm. It gives me little time to relax before bed, then in the morning, it's time to do it all over again. I'm tired in the mornings, but am not tired at bedtime. Insomnia I suppose. That rolls into stress & makes me emotional.
When I have the boys, they scream & run around & make noise & play up &... They're kids, of course they will make noise & mess.
I'm stressed by finances. My mind never stops. I'm always thinking about what needs to be paid, what to have for dinner, what cleaning/washing I need to do. It's like I'm on permanent fast forward.
It's not actually a finished post, but I might as well release what has been written, otherwise it may sit unpublished for longer.
---------------------------------------------------------------
While skimming through my uncared for blog reader, I found a post from Eden Riley. She simply asks Who The Hell Are You?Sure, a little question that seems so easy to answer, but when it comes down it it, it is so hard.
So Who am I?
I'm a MUM - After TTC for 5.5yrs (3.5yrs of IVF), I finally became a Mum in April 2009, when I gave birth to my twins.
I am definitely still scared by my years of infertility. I've been called BATCOAT (Bitter & Twisted C*** of a Thing) & I know I am. People say that you shouldn't let experiences make the person you are, but I can never forget the pain & heartache I went though to get my boys. I met some wonderful people & have made some life long friends, but I'm still hurting.
I still get upset when I hear of pregnancy & birth, no where near as much as I used to, because one thing has changed. I have my boys. If I ever feel really upset, I just go & get a kiss & cuddle & it reminds me how lucky I really am.
I'm a Daughter & a Sister - Who doesn't speak to her sister & who rarely speaks to her parents.
I'm a Part Time Employee - Who for 12yrs previous to falling pregnant with the boys, worked Full Time. These days, my PT hours are more than enough. Maybe not enough, with finances being tight, but enough for me.
I have done a few weeks of FT relief over the past month & an well & truly suffering mentally, physically & emotionally.
I'm overweight - Working on it.
I'm an ex-wife - Separated.
I'm stressed, tired, emotional & depressed - There. I said it.
I wake up at 4am to start work a 5. I struggle to get up, because I don't go to bed until after 10.30pm. The reason behind that being, is that when the boys leave to go home with their father between 7-8pm. After that I tidy up, get clothes ready, them by the time I sit down to watch some TV or surf the net, it's after 9pm. It gives me little time to relax before bed, then in the morning, it's time to do it all over again. I'm tired in the mornings, but am not tired at bedtime. Insomnia I suppose. That rolls into stress & makes me emotional.
When I have the boys, they scream & run around & make noise & play up &... They're kids, of course they will make noise & mess.
I'm stressed by finances. My mind never stops. I'm always thinking about what needs to be paid, what to have for dinner, what cleaning/washing I need to do. It's like I'm on permanent fast forward.
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