Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Depressed, lack of motivation, or just plain lazy

I'm not sure which one describes me, but lately, I feel like all 3 fit me perfectly.

I have no motivation to do anything. Getting up for work for instance... I haven't started work on time since well before Christmas & some days (today included), I just call in sick & stay in bed.

I fought for a long time before I started meds, because I've seen cases where people on meds have gotten worse, not better IYKWIM. I've been on them for around about 6mths & I'm not sure if they are doing any good or not. Yes, I don't snap at the kids as much. I tend to ignore, then react & they still drive me up the wall. But as for getting me out of my depressive mood, well I'm not sure they're doing their job.

I spend more time on the computer, whether it be Facebook, twitter, forums, etc, than housework. I know it needs to be done, but for me, it's not a priority. The priority is to sit my fat a**e on the couch all day snacking. No wonder I can't loose weight, when I have a Internet addiction, followed by an addiction of soft drink & junk food.

It took me a long an emotional journey to get my beautiful boys. I have so many plans of thing to do with them, places to go, but when I wake up, I just can't be bothered. It hit me like a freight train when R told me to 'Get my a**e of the computer', yet I haven't pulled my head out of my a**e & done it.

They are bored at home (thank goodness for daycare). They get up to mischief all the time, but I know they are only amusing themselves. Washing my car with mud & dirt (they had the right idea). Digging up the backyard with adult garden tools (I should buy them tools their size). Conning me that they need a drink, then taking the water outside & making mud to play in. *Sigh* They're just kids & I know that, but I get frustrated when I'm constantly cleaning up mess, mud or them.

I used to LOVE going to the footy. I would never miss a game & go out of my way to attend club functions. Now, I use every excuse (even the kids) not to go. R loves the footy. A not so much. I should be encouraging them to get out & enjoy healthy activities like sport.

So I know I am depressed, but is the lack of motivation caused by that, or am I just a lazy s**t?



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