Flashback Friday #1

Image from Noël's Beautiful Life's
Flashback Friday 

I've been blogging for 8yrs now (on & off) & thought it was time to 'Flashback' to the old days.

I still have my old original blog, but have it set to private for a few reasons, so linking from here won't work.

Anyway, I have decided that every Friday, I will repost one of my favourite posts from yesteryear.

This week's post comes from August 4th, 2006

Maybe Tonight - Kate DeAraugo

This started out as a single post, but as I hear other songs, I find that there are more, that mean things to me. They are all about the same subject (my infertility), but in different ways.

I’ve been holding on
To a love gone wrong its true
For too long
The hurt it left inside
Has made me wanna hide too much
And I do

I've been hoping that I would just fall pregnant. It should happen. It feels like it's been forever & it hurts. I just want to crawl up into a ball & hide.

I’m not afraid to be alone
The truth is I’m alright
But something has been missing from my life

I am afraid. I'm afraid I will never become pregnant & have my own bio-logical child. I'm afraid that I will never have a child. I'm afraid that infertility has taken over my life.

And maybe tonight
Maybe I’ll fall
Maybe he’ll crash through my walls
Maybe at last love will come back
And take me deep into it's arms
Maybe the heart that comes apart finally mends
Maybe tonight I'll finally fall in love again

Maybe this cycle I will fall pregnant. Maybe, DHs' MF, will meracuiously dissapear this month. Maybe, his little swimmers will crash through my egg & we will conceive naturally after 4yrs. Maybe my dream will come true.

Cried a lot of tears
Faced a lot of fears
To get right here
Every chapter ends
Before the right one can begin again
In this story of love

Tears, I'm not sure I have many left. Fears... I have lots, but every BFN, means I get closer to a BFP. That's the way it goes... doesn't it?

I’m ready for another chance
And right now that's enough
I know I will survive what ever comes

I'm ready for another cycle, I'm just not ready for another BFN. It's true I will survive another BFN physically, but will I be able to survive it mentally?